“How do I figure out what I want?”
“I don't know what I want. How do I figure it out?”
“How do I find myself and figure out what makes me happy?”
“I don't have time for things that are important to me. Where do I even start?”
If any of these comments and questions sound familiar to you, you aren't alone. I hear these and many variations all the time in my sessions with clients.
Let’s be real: When you're taking care of other people, maintaining a home, working in any capacity, and you're just a human in 2024, things are tough right now.
And while it feels impossible at the beginning of where you're starting, know that a lot of people have come before you.
Here are some suggestions to start trying to figure out what’s important to you and what you need:
Double down on your self-care and self-compassion. This process, when where you want to be and where you currently are, feels really big, is really tough. Remind yourself that you’re doing the best you can.
Find quiet time for yourself. No, don't find it, ask for it and create it. Sit in a quiet room, by yourself. Get comfortable and just sit. No music. A meditation if it supports you. And just be curious. Start with just a few breaths before bed time and see where you can expand.
Journal. Before you say you don’t like journaling, I get it. If you’re like me, you had a dozen journals when you were a kid and you maybe wrote on four pages. This is different. This is that quiet time to listen, to slow down and just see what's coming up for you. Set a timer for 10 minutes and just write. Don't judge anything. Repeat this a few times per week if possible. You can take action on anything you want but there isn’t pressure to do that.
Treat this as an experiment. The subconscious mind likes questions. If you go into this with, “I don't know what I want” - That’s a very closed mindset and it’s going to be hard to figure out an answer. If you ask a question like, “How can I make this more fun?” - You'll be more open to the opportunities and what lies before you.
Do something that scares you. I know this is a little cliche but it's true. Is it calling a credit card company to ask them to give you the late fee back? Is it signing up for a pottery class even though you think everything you make will be trash? Is it texting a parent that you’ve met recently to see if they want to grab coffee? When we give ourselves permission to push outside of our comfort zone and find that we are still safe on the other side, you'll be surprised at what happens next.
I suggest taking these on one at a time for a few days at a time. Be gentle with yourself and release any expectations of a specific outcome or agenda.
It’s been a long time, many years, that you’ve squashed your needs to make others more comfortable.
It’s going to take some time to change that.
Get comfortable, ask for support, and know you’re just getting started. You’ll get there. Trust the process.
Hey, I’m Caitlin! I’m a certified health coach and life coach and I’m here to bring sustainable change into your day so that you have the time and energy you need for the things that matter most.
Want more support? Check out myother posts, learn more about coaching here or book a call with me here. You can always sign up for my newsletter, below, to receive these posts straight to your inbox, too!